i still try find my place in the diary of jane.
2006-11-16 - 10:58 p.m.

i'm afraid for my cousin. she's 11 yrs old and she's already EMO. her nick on msn goes something like "i think i should try to tell my frens or somebody abt myself....my true self....or even show my true self....i reli dunno - nobody in this world understands me!"

*gulps*

the first time i ever felt like that was in sec 2. after a while i started cutting myself. my mum told me she cut herself when she was like 18..... apparently the both of us have this tendency to develop scars even from the slightest wounds. i take this presumably physical defect as a mental reminder of what i went through before. i cut myself because of a girl i loved. i cut myself because of my classmates. i cut myself because of.......myself. which sounds so totally fucking lame. was talking to mr omar basri the other day about my family and i suddenly felt very sad for myself. for more than ten years i've been stuck in a fucking shithole and they've been asking me how to get out of it. if i knew then there wouldn't be a problem right??? what the fuck. i truly envy my step-siblings. i remembered.....after every fight, i'd lock myself in the bathroom and slash at my wrists. and i'd stay in there until it was time for school. it was PAINFUL. i didn't deserve that kind of torture. people who cut themselves because they think it's cool are FUCKING STUPID.

YES, YOU ARE FUCKING STUPID.

i wish i could repeat my childhood. but this time, with a big house and a big car. and a big pool. and a big garden.

SOB SOB SOB ok whatever. my point is that the age at which children become prone to depression is getting younger and younger with each generation.

here's a light-hearted story! i heard this fantabulous song and i thought.....hmmm sounds like breaking benjamin. but breaking benjamin has never been played on radio before! then on msn, dawnie said, "riana! there's this really nice song. i bet you'll LOVE it!" and i replied, "OH OH OH OH i heard a really nice song the other day! sounded like breaking benjamin....."

I WAS RIGHT.

thank you, joel, for introing breaking benjamin to me one year ago. thank you, dawnie, for knowing me so well. WE COULD BLOODY HAVE A THREESOME! hahahahhaa. no lah, joking. [dawnie gapes at the screen, and immediately opens pussycat doll's 'beep' video as a cure for her trauma]

oh yeah. last night i smsed mr omar basri, and he called back TO SCOLD ME LAH! "why you call me when i'm falling asleep? i fucking hate it when people sms and say 'i know you're gg to sleep but....' damn irritating man! now you have to sing me a lullaby."

STUNNED SILENCE.

then nag nag nag somemore. what an old woman.

ON REPEAT. HAHAHAHAA. says:
OMG CHERYL YOU'RE ONLINE FOR THE 8TH TIME!
cheryl says:
haha
cheryl says:
its my dad's comp
cheryl says:
it signs on by itself!
ON REPEAT. HAHAHAHAA. says:
L O L
ON REPEAT. HAHAHAHAA. says:
you replied! there should be a celebration or smth HAHA

HAHAHHAAHA i think this is hilarious.

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